Frequently Asked Questions About Attachment-Based Therapy

Human beings are social species. The quality of relationships we build with others can certainly contribute to our overall well-being. Without positive and nurturing relations, our minds and body can suffer. 

One way we can evaluate our relationships is to look into our attachment style. It refers to how we relate to others and how we feel about important people in our lives. 

Source: unsplash.com

Attachment cultivates even in the early stages of development. We learn from our experiences in childhood. But also, the type of care we receive from our parents does influence our attachment styles. Altogether, these experiences in our early years impact us and often affect how we bond with others in adulthood. 

The attachment-based approach therapy identifies the connection between the child and their primary caregiver. 

The premise of this type of therapy is that if a child’s caretaker, who is usually the parent, can tend to the child’s needs, the child will develop the ability to form healthy relationships as they turn into an adult. 

An attachment-based approach in therapy is useful in individual, couple, group, and family therapy. Moreover, both children and adults can use this approach. 

Attachment-focused family therapy may be used with children when they have attachment issues. It can also help the whole family that aims to rebuild trust.

With adults, attachment-based therapy can help them navigate and form secure relationships or address attachment issues.

This form of therapy may help foster children, adopted children, children of depressed parents, and trauma victims (i.e., children of separated parents, children who have been abused sexually or otherwise mistreated, especially by their caregivers).

Ultimately, attachment-based therapy aims to guide individuals in building or rebuilding trusting and supportive relationships. It helps in preventing or treating conditions such as anxiety or depression.

What are the four attachment styles?

Attachment styles are usually developed early in life and become the basis of how adults approach relationships. The first style is secure-autonomous, characterized by low avoidance and low anxiety. The second style is avoidant-dismissing, where high avoidance and low anxiety are vital features.

The third style is anxious-preoccupied, which is high on anxiety and low on avoidance. The fourth style is disorganized-unresolved, characterized by high levels of avoidance and anxiety.

What is the best therapy for attachment disorder?

Interpersonal therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy have been successful in treating attachment disorders. The former is a structured treatment focused on improving your interpersonal functioning. The latter will help you identify and replace harmful thoughts and beliefs that may unknowingly influence your behavior.

How is attachment theory used in Counselling?

Since the attachment theory places importance on your relationship with your caregiver, counselors will help you identify that relationship’s nature to explain your current predicament.

If you grew up in an emotionally dysfunctional environment, you might have developed an insecure attachment style and a flawed sense of self. A counselor or therapist can help you rewire or reduce the impact of these patterns.

What is the attachment cycle?

The attachment cycle suggests that infants and their primary caregiver’s relationship affect their development in critical ways. It begins when a baby with an unmet need cries to draw attention. If those needs are met, then trust develops between the infant and the caregiver, but if they remain unsatisfied, then mistrust can take root.

If an infant grows up in a warm and caring environment, they usually form relationships in adulthood that mimic these characteristics and vice versa.

How do you fix the anxious attachment style?

If you’re highly anxious about your relationships, it’s useful to find healthy ways to process difficult emotions. Try sharing your concerns with a trusted friend, or consider seeing a therapist who can help you build self-regulation strategies.

Examine your previous relationships to identify any harmful practices that you may be unknowingly bringing to the table. Talk to your partner about your fears so you can work on them together.

Source: unsplash.com

What are the signs of attachment disorder in adults?

Adults with attachment disorder usually exhibit child-like behavior when it comes to emotion regulation and management. They have trouble reading emotions and showing affection. They are prone to intense emotional outbursts and display other self-destructive behaviors.

Do I have an attachment disorder?

It’s hard to perform self-diagnosis since attachment disorder comes in many forms. However, suppose you find it hard to make meaningful connections with other people and identify with any of the four insecure attachment styles. In that case, consider seeing a therapist.

What does insecure attachment look like?

It differs per person. They may avoid the company of others or display overtly clingy behavior. In some cases, they may exhibit behavior from both extremes.

What are the symptoms of attachment disorder?

Individuals with attachment disorder usually find it challenging to build and maintain healthy relationships. They are also likely to have trust and control issues. Instead of finding refuge in the company of others, they withdraw unto themselves and resist efforts at building a connection. They may also suffer from poor self-image, anxiety, and depression.

What causes poor attachment?

There is no definitive cause, but studies suggest that a child that grew up in a non-supportive environment may grow up with attachment problems. Without experiencing secure and consistent relationships with their primary caregivers, children may develop an insecure attachment style that can haunt them into their adult years.

What is attachment anxiety?

It refers to anxiety that arises from a person’s relationships with a partner, friend, or family member. Attachment anxiety is usually traced to unpleasant childhood experiences but can persist into adulthood.

How do you fix attachment issues?

A person with attachment issues has ineffective coping strategies that prevent them from forming healthy relationships. The first step is to recognize these harmful patterns. You can try writing down your thoughts and feelings in a daily journal.

Consult with a professional if your attachment anxiety has become disabling. A doctor will help you reframe irrational thoughts, support you in building helpful coping mechanisms, and prescribe medications if needed.

How do you break an attachment?

Before you break an emotional attachment, try asking yourself why you entered the relationship first and why it’s in your best interest to move on. Once you get clear on these reasons, you can build a stronger sense of self by doing the activities you enjoy. Make time for art, travel, and self-discovery. At the same time, focus on maintaining ties with people that make you feel secure and loved.

How do I change avoidant attachment?

If you avoid closeness and value self-sufficiency to a fault, you can try opening up to the other party in small increments. Schedule an activity that you both enjoy. Ask thoughtful questions and listen actively. It can be hard to rewire avoidant attachment but focus on building intimacy step by step.

Attachment style determines so much of how we relate to the world. It helps explain why we operate in a certain way within relationships. It may help us navigate the problems with our family as well as with friends and at work. 

In making sense of our relationships as adults, it is important to look into our early childhood experiences. We determine how and why we function as we do or how it can affect us later on in life. Thus, in attachment-based therapy, you can expect to talk about your childhood issues and how they might come up in your current relationships. 

Source: unsplash.com

For children or young adults, attachment-focused therapy aims to repair the family relationship. Here, the therapist will initially deal with the individual client alone. Later on, the therapist can work with the family as a group. The therapist guides the family on how to strengthen further the parent and child relationship. Meanwhile, the child will also need guidance so they can be a confident and independent adult. 

For adults, the therapist’s objective is to help the client overcome negative early attachment issues. It begins by establishing a strong connection between client and therapist.

The therapists should be able to make the client feel understood and supported. Once this is set, the therapist can encourage the client to share more. Through this, they can better examine past experiences’ relation with current feelings and behaviors better. 

The therapist will help you navigate the primary confusion, unpleasant memories, and difficult feelings. From there, the goal is to develop a greater knowledge of yourself. With this, you may achieve self-acceptance and happiness in yourself. 

Attachment-based therapy is open-ended. Essentially, the patient and the therapist decide on the end of the process. This approach is very gentle and is a fulfilling process in the end.

Attachment-based therapy does not require a long-term commitment. Once you feel you’re doing better, you can always inform your therapist. 

Because the relationship between client and therapist is important here, finding a therapist that is a good fit for you is essential. You can approach any mental health professional or licensed clinician qualified in an attachment-based treatment approach.

Once you find a licensed therapist with the experiences you’re looking for, make sure you’re comfortable with them. Therapists play a vital role as the secure base in exploring your attachment issues. 

Civic Duty And Mental Health

Source: pexels.com

Outreach programs are a beneficial tool in our society. Through these programs, we can conduct information drives that help educate the public, feeding programs that can decrease malnutrition and starvation, and mental health drives that connect people to counselors and therapists that can help them through their darkest days. No matter the reason for the outreach, the goal is always to help the community and serve the people around us. This is our best chance to help and lighten the burdens and trials of our fellow men.

Continue reading “Civic Duty And Mental Health”

Family: In A House Or A Home?

Source: pexels.com

Are you in a house or a home?

If you asked me this 20 years ago, I would say, I am in a loving home. A home is where the heart is and if your loved one, partner, or spouse is with you and you’re living in harmony, then, it is a home. It can be a small one-bedroom flat or an 8-room mansion; what makes a home is the people living in it. It was a home, 20 years ago, but now, I don’t even know what to call it.

Continue reading “Family: In A House Or A Home?”

Are You In A House Or A Home During Quarantine?

Source: pexels.com

There is this trend going around on TikTok, where people show off their houses. The challenge was to show off the coolest parts of their house, a part where no one else had. One girl was saying that everybody was showing off their homes, but none of them had a full-on cockpit as their balcony. Cool, right? Some people show off their pets, which are usually pretty cute. Another take on this challenge is where people show you how they live their daily lives at home during quarantine, and it often is just the same thing over and over.

Continue reading “Are You In A House Or A Home During Quarantine?”

Are You In A House Or A Home During Quarantine?

There is this trend going around on TikTok where people show off their houses. The challenged was to show off the coolest parts of their house, a part where no one else had. One girl was saying that everybody was showing off their houses but none of them had a full on cockpit as their balcony. Cool, right? Some people just show off their pets which are usually pretty cute. Another take on this challenge is where people show you how they live their daily lives at home during quarantine and it usually is just the same thing over and over.

Eventually, the challenge started to become rich kids flaunting their bedrooms. One girl had a bedroom with two floors and a spiral staircase with a floor to ceiling library that she could access from her staircase. It looked elegant and well designed. Anyone watching that video would be in awe of her room. It was basically a two story house for a bedroom, a luxury that not everyone could have and not everyone would appreciate.

If I were to be stuck in quarantine, having a house and a room like that would be perfect. There would be so many things to do and I would end up being productive. Unfortunately, not everyone has the luxury of having a big house. Some people, like me, are stuck in an old dingy apartment in a sketchy part of town where your alarm are crying babies, police sirens, and shouting matches.

For some people, like celebrities, it is so easy for them to say that we should all stay home and be productive there. Some people do not have that option because some people unfortunately have to risk their lives to go to work. Some people do stay home but staying home affects them mentally because if there is one thing that I have learned and realized is that even though I was praying to every god I knew so I could be alone, being stuck in isolation with just your thoughts took a huge toll on me and my mental state. So, like I always say, check up on your friends and family even the strong ones because they can be weak too and you may not realize it.

But one of the biggest things that hit me during this pandemic is that everyone says that we should stay home so we could be safe from the virus but no one ever thought about the people who do not have homes or the people who stay in a house where they are abused physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually, and mentally. In some countries, rape cases have gone up by at least 25% and that is just the cases that are reported.

Sometimes, a house will never feel like a home no matter how expensive it is. A pretend happy home life will fall apart during this quarantine because this pandemic reveals the truth about everyone aand everything. Being a home means that you feel loved, you feel safe, and you feel cared for that is why we say to people we love that they feel like home.

Having a beautiful house may be a luxury but having a home is a privilege which is why we should always be thankful for having a home no matter how big or small, elegant or not because this may be the one thing that other people are craving for during this pandemic. More than a vaccine, more than a cure, some people might just be looking for a home, that is something we should never take for granted.

Follow Your Community Rules And Regulations – Stay At Home

Source: pexels.com

We have been on lockdown and under quarantine for the past six weeks, and that means NO GOING OUT OF THE HOUSE. You read that right. I live in the Philippines, and in Davao City, to be specific. Our mayor, who also happens to be the daughter of the President of the Republic, is very aggressive. She saw that our poor, 3rd world (developing) country could not afford mass testing. Other countries can pay for it, but not us. And so, before this problem skyrocketed for our country, she held our whole city under strict quarantine since mid-March 2020 up to the present.

Continue reading “Follow Your Community Rules And Regulations – Stay At Home”

How To Make Friends In Your New Neighborhood

Source: pixabay.com

As a sales manager for a multimillion-dollar brand, I have to live in different cities for a few months at a time. My job is to monitor the work of the employees in various branches, after all. Every time I am sure that they can function without my supervision, the bosses will send me to a new place. 

In the eyes of my friends and family members, I have an exhausting job, considering I need to always be on the go. Despite that, I beg to disagree. I love meeting new people as much as I love being a sales manager. The idea of living in another place where I know practically nobody never fails to make my heart skip a beat. Instead of feeling lonely, I see it as a way to make more friends than I already have. 

The thing is, I know that not a lot of people think as I do. I have come across neighbors who can barely smile or say hi to me. Then, I would find out that they are newbies in the community like I am, and they are too shy to talk to anyone. 

If you are more like those people than my extroverted self, here are several tips on how you start making friends in a new neighborhood.

Introduce Yourself To Everyone

Source: pixabay.com

Your first goal is to introduce yourself to as many individuals as possible. The reason is that your lack of people skills may have prevented you from even meeting anyone’s eyes in the past. You wait for them to do the introduction because you are afraid that they will ignore you.

Well, if you want to have friends now more than ever, you should ditch your fear of making self-introductions. Doing so will not guarantee that every single person will smile at you or even acknowledge your presence. However, you can think, “I did my part. If they don’t want to befriend me, so be it.”

Go To Places Where There Are A Lot Of People

Staying cooped up in your house cannot genuinely help you make friends. If anything, it will cause you to welcome negative thoughts that will end up depressing you. Instead, you should start hanging out in places that a lot of people go to.

I am talking about restaurants, parks, or even churches here, depending on what public establishments your community has. If there are also salons, that is even better. 

Accept Friendly Invitations

No matter where you live in the world, it is possible that there are community-based organizations that will invite you to attend their events. If that happens, I advise you to accept such invitations and go there in your best behavior.

Source: pixabay.com

A community gathering gives you a chance to meet most – if not all – of your neighbors in one place, you see. That will be difficult to do even when you stay outside of your doorstep and wait for people to pass by. The more individuals come to that event, the higher the odds are of you becoming their friend in the end.

When you manage to do everything mentioned above and more, you will realize how amazing it is to relocate to a new neighborhood, too.

Cheers!

If you have trouble befriending your new neighbors, try to chat with BetterHelp psychologists to figure out what’s up with you. Your introversion may be getting too far, which is not cool, especially when you are the newbie in town.

How To Reinvent Yourself In A Different Community

Source: pixabay.com

I am the epitome of introversion. Even when I was growing up, I did not like playing with friends at school. I would stay in the room, read storybooks, or stare at the distance. I felt so uncomfortable about getting anyone’s attention, to the extent that I started wearing gender-neutral clothes. There were even a lot of instances in which I had to walk back to our house because I did not have the confidence to ask the bus driver to stop.

When I started working, my company asked me to relocate in another state. I did as I was told because I loved my job too much. My mom was worried about me, though, to the extent that she offered to move with me. She was well-aware of how much of an introvert I was, considering she had to force me a few times to at least say hi to acquaintances. However, I declined her offer.

One of the obvious reasons was that my mother had a great job in our town. Relocating with me would mean that she would have to start over – a task that was neither ideal nor practical for someone in her mid-40s. Another reason that I kept to myself was that I was fed up with being an introvert. I thought that moving to a different place would allow me to reinvent myself. And that’s what happened. A few months after that, I visited my mom at home, and she was pleasantly surprised by the changes that I managed to make.

In case you are now in the same shoes that I was in, here are a few ways to reinvent yourself.

Ditch Your Old Clothing Choices

Source: pixabay.com

The first thing that you can do is to try other clothing styles. 

I am not saying that your clothes are outmoded or that you are not fashionable enough. However, you may be sticking to the same choices for years now as that’s what’s comfortable for you. 

Well, to start altering your mindset about yourself, it is advisable to embrace other styles. If you have always worn T-shirts and jeans before, try sleeveless or cropped tops and shorts or skirts. In case you have never been in a dress before, do it now. 

The change does not have to be too drastic, but it has to be visible.

Smile To Everyone

In case you are not comfortable with talking to anyone yet, you can do with preparing a smile to everyone you meet outside of your house. There is something great about seeing a smiley new neighbor than a poker-faced one. It will make you seem approachable and friendly – two characteristics that you have never had back home.

Don’t Wait For Others To Introduce Themselves Before You Do It

Source: pixabay.com

Assuming you now have a little confidence in yourself, you can start introducing yourself to others without waiting for them to do it first. Self-introductions are welcome, especially in a new community. It represents your openness to being in good terms with your neighbors, as well as possibly working with them to improve the whole place.

Final Thoughts

The thought of reinventing yourself in a different neighborhood should not scare you. Remember: no one knows you there, so you can be whoever you want to be. This may be your only chance to make real friends or even start dating.

Good luck!

Stranger Danger: How To Keep Your Kids Safe From Predators

Because of my husband’s job, my kids and I have to move with him to different cities every year or two. It was difficult in the beginning, considering I lived in the same town until I got married, and so I was not used to packing everything and changing residences often. Not to mention, I was still a fairly new mother back then.

Source: pixabay.com

Even if I wanted to stay closer to my mom and ask for her help in looking after the baby, it was not realistic.
The more my family moved, though, the more things became easier for all of us. One trick I learned was to start packing our stuff three months before our supposed relocation. That way, we would only have a few items to prepare during the final week. We taught our kids to be as friendly as possible as well since they had to go to a new school or neighborhood more often than other kids.


The thing is, being on the move all the time made me realize how challenging it can be to ensure that the community is 100% safe. No matter how many CCTVs there are all over town, witty criminals can still sneak past them and wreak havoc in any neighborhood.
If you want to keep your kids safe from predators, to be specific, here are a few textbook tips for you.

Become Your Children’s Personal Chauffer

One thing you can do is drive your babies anywhere they need to be. E.g., school, taekwondo class, soccer practice, etc. Avoid letting them get on a public bus, no matter how old they are, unless you and your husband are with them. Do not ask another person to chauffer them around, especially if you are new in the area.

Source: pixabay.com


The reason is that you have no idea if the kids will come across a wrongdoer that day. There is no way to guarantee that, so it is better to drive them everywhere than be sorry later.

Do Not Let Them Out Of Your Sight In Public Places

You need to keep an eye on your kids in public locations, especially if they are still small. When you are at a park, for instance, any stranger can come in and talk to your child. There is nothing to worry about if it happens to be their teacher or classmate. However, if it happens to be a sexual offender or kidnapper, your baby will be in danger.

Know Your Kids’ Friends And Their Parents

Source: pixabay.com

Kids these days like to go on playdates in which they meet at a playground or someone’s house. While it is sweet to know that your children have already fitted in, you should not let them go until you meet their parents. This way, you will feel comfortable at leaving them there for a short while.

Final Thoughts

Moving to a new place with children requires you to be extra mindful of your surroundings. You cannot rely on the leaders who patrol the entire area or the CCTVs that are supposed to monitor what’s happening in streets and alleys. To keep them safe, you should do the things mentioned above until they reach the age of 18.
Good luck!